Gui Lin Gao

Little Life Tips to Myself

1.      If someone argues or fights back passionately with you, it means they consider you someone they feel comfortable or well-acquainted with.

2.      You create many sub-tasks that many people may just remember and not be put down in a notebook as its significance is too small to be written down. Yet you treat them as so because each task is like an chest, waiting for you to open them and as they are completed you are rewarded with the treasures inside or the feeling of checking out that task. It is also like an achievement each time you remove one task from your all your other troubles and duties. It reminds you of your efforts put into completing them.

3.      Writing things down makes them real, and problems or issues need to be faced and not be hidden or pushed deep into our mindless void, the one that drives and controls our mind from insanity. As we put these ideas and feelings and urges down, we identify them as ourselves. They are what we are, what makes up our identity. They are not pretty or better yet, something we do not want others to know. Still, it is part of us, so we might as well let them have us because our story has been written, we are just the actors that follow the scripts of our play. Hence, we should accept it and embrace them. We know it isn’t pretty and we still do not want people to know them, but let us just use them as our benefits or slowly reveal it letter by letter; millimetre by millimetre, because we cannot hide it forever so we might as well embrace it as our identity. People may hate or be disgusted by us for revealing that, but at the same time there will be those who will recognise and accept us for our real and truest self and we shall finally be loved for us.

4.      Each time I am feeling closer than normal to my laptop, I always imagine it would be a guy instead of it. I want the proximity between us be as little as possible, especially the intimate distance between my laptop and I.

5.      It gets lonely sometimes at night when there is no one moving around you and its just you and the still air. I just want someone to accompany me when I am alone at night, doing whatever I am doing. Whether it is doing homework or watching stuff or even daydreaming.

6.      I sometimes just want someone to stay or accompany me without any judgement or opinions but just sit beside me just because. It is that simple.

7.      We are thrown up ways sideways all the time, with rough edges that encompass our being, already harden for the future battles.

8.      I am so worried and scared for my pets as each day passes without a moment to feel bless and thank them for their company that we have spent every second with them. Each day my fear grows more and more and I just wish that I could love them hard enough for them to stay with me longer.

9.      Thank lord I am born with all limbs healthy and working.

10.   I get jealous sometimes when I see girls having guy friends, close enough to talk to each other as there is no sexual tension between them, or the obvious distinction of their physicality’s that makes them discriminate and hesitate between each other, because this is the case for me.

11.   I am so afraid of not having enough friends, or better yet, people that are acquainted with me. Maybe it is because i have always been alone and when I entered form 6 and put up a face that invites people to like me, I begun to have more people who were willing to talk to me and smile and laugh with me. Now that I am in Uni, I am doing the same as well, but maybe it is because I have gone to work and work with people before and learn to communicate with them, that is why I am socially awkward. I make so many mistakes that I would not know how to cope with the shame of the aftermath, and sometimes I would slap or cry and hate myself so much because I made mistakes and I would keep playing it over and over my head.

12.   People think I am weak because I downgrade myself in front of them. If they do not like me because of that, then well, that is fine, as long as they would not spread rumours or talk bad behind my back and tarnish whatever reputation I have not tarnished for myself.

13.   I just want someone who would never judge me, love me and my hobbies or maybe have the same as me or maybe not but would still tolerate or let me enjoy myself without whatsoever limitations

14.   I really like to tell people how beautiful or amazing they are, not expecting to tell me how I am in return, but to encourage them to do the same to others they know. Sometimes all a person needs to remember over and over again in a day to make them smile and go on with their day happily is a true and sincere compliment, that is all to it.

15.   Another reason I like to compliment people is because sometimes people do not compliment or tells them how beautiful they are in certain aspects or even sincerely or even tell them at all, because we feel shy telling them they are amazing. If someone complimented me sincerely, I would blush and feel shy.

16.   Late nights are fun if spent with any company because to stay up late in the night is a hobby or adventure that we are all embarking together and it’s kind of makes us unite in some ways. The day is for the majority but the night is for certain people.

17.   I find certain Japanese rock songs kind of sexy. It gives me eargasms and my heart just follows to their beats, their suave voices, full of emotion and power, trying their best to translate what the lyrics and music make them feel to them into us listener’s hearts.

18.   Sometimes I wish I could just marry a song, specifically Odd Future by Uverworld. The perfect man it would be if only it could happen. The blend of electro and an amazingly suave and beautiful voice. OMG, I wish marrying a song was legal. It does not matter who the singer is, because I am truly in love with the song and how it makes me feel. Is this what love should be like? At least a song will never change, but what changes is our hearts and how we feel towards it over time. It kind of makes us selfish and cruel as we force ourselves on the people we love without expecting to give them anything but we are expecting the same thing from them every time we question love but it never works that way in the right settings.

This is too emabarassing to read back. Hence, whoever besides myself reads this, please, i ain't crazy, just realizing my true self before its too late.